November 5, 2018
Hi Everyone! I thought I posted 2 other blogs between September and now, but it looks like they got stuck in my computer (I did have the voice-typed files saved) and I never finished the process. No worries, today I will post one from early October I wrote, then will post the next few blogs over the next week so we can be all caught up! So I apologize-I did not fall off a mountain somewhere and get blown away!
(Early October, 2018) Today was a challenging day for me emotionally. I am running into challenges and old belief systems as I try to figure out what I want to do for my next steps in life. Today my ego is telling me it’s impossible, that I should not bother, and that all government paperwork is stupid (which isn’t entirely untrue….) Today I miss my family, friends, clients, and the ease of being in my own country. Today I am close to tears walking down the street and I’m using my tools just to manage my emotions so I don’t have a breakdown instead of moving forward. But it’s OK.
One of my lessons this lifetime is to learn how to actually feel emotion really deeply.
And when I do it’s always overwhelming. But in a really lovely cleansing way. Today what made things better were the random reach outs of strangers. I caught myself crying in public, and a woman came up to me and put her hand on my arm and simply asked if I was OK. I told her I was OK, but just sad. She asked if I needed any help, and when I said “no,” she gently told me “take your time.” And then she moved on. It was a great moment of connection and remembering there are good caring people all around me.
Later, I was walking down the streets feeling emotional, and a gentleman walking down the street grabbed my attention and gave me a very compassionate and smiley and uplifting look. It completely changed my energy, and I felt a surge of happiness and peace. A few people have looked at me with compassion, which I also appreciated. I’m sure quite a few people have averted their eyes or avoided me more than they normally would have. But I didn’t notice those people.
My learning for today goes back to the idea of being vulnerable. There is power behind being vulnerable and feeling and expressing one’s emotions It also reminds me that when I see people struggling I can reach out and offer a kind word, a smile, or a gentle look, all of which can speak volumes and really change somebody‘s perspective in the moment. It can help them feel connected and part of humanity.
My challenge for you is to bring that forward it to your life. How can you show compassion and empathy to someone who is having a challenging day or who is struggling? How can you show compassion to yourself when you feel like what you’ve done (or are doing) is wrong or not good enough, and those messages are trying to penetrate your being? How can you take care of yourself and take care of others in a way that doesn’t put you out? If you haven’t seen it, this Brene Brown talk is one of my favorites. It’s a good reminder that as people it is healthy to feel a powerful mix of emotions, and that it’s a good opportunity and often needed for growth. Included here are the pictures of many of the parks I walked through today as I was trying to be present with myself.