Tag Archives: healing

The Little Things Add Up

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Golden Canyon, Death Valley

I explored Death Valley National Park Thursday.  I was high-energy, motivated, and feeling playful.  After a longer hike in the morning I had plenty of energy left, so kept exploring.  With the sun high in the sky, rock music playing on the radio, and coffee in hand–because those little things added to the amazing energy–I decided to knock out a couple of scenic drives that had some small walks and overlooks.  When I got back to my campsite, I was a bit tired, and climbed into my tent to do some stretching before starting the bonfire.  I woke at 1 am, wondering what had happened, and why I was so exhausted.  

Little Things Add Up  

Years of water forms beautiful spiraled canyons

Looking back, I had knocked out almost 15 miles of hiking, mostly in mountainous and hilly terrain. No wonder!  This happens in all areas of our lives, especially in personal and professional relationships.  Those little things we say to others;  the small ways in which we are critical, or in which we don’t ask for our own needs to be met; those unspoken expectations that create a feeling of being unloved, unwanted, or unappreciated. Little things can become really big things–the same the way water can carve through rock little by little over time.

It’s Different For Everyone

Some people love getting praise and appreciation for their efforts and it spurs them to do more and be better; others do not-and it can even make them feel embarrassed and unmotivated to do it again.  I am not one to be motivated by praise.  I had a partner that was, so I had to make a conscious choice to think about giving him what he needed. 

Are You Being Polite?

Some of us, especially in midwestern culture, were taught (via example and words) to be nice, polite, or stoic.  We were subtly taught to not ask for what we want; in fact, we often were shown by example to politely turn down offers a couple times before accepting something we did.  Or that it’s polite to offer over and over again if another turns us down, just in case. How odd is that?  

It Is Not Rude to Say Yes to What You Want

I don’t believe we have to give up our own needs to be kind to others.  It’s also not rude to accept another person’s offer if we really want to.  I’m also not saying you should never compromise, or that consciously choosing to do for another is bad.

However, for healthy relationships to exist, you MUST be comfortable communicating what you want and need.  Period.  To do that, you must also be AWARE of what you want and need and overcome any emotional hesitation to speaking that truth.

Start With the Little Things

EFT Tapping can help you speak your truth.  I can help you clear those hesitations and brain patterns that have you automatically saying no when you mean yes. You can have everything you want  if you can clearly ask for it.  That means you also have to believe you deserve it.  That you are worth it.  That in a healthy relationship of any kind, others want to give back to you—even if their way looks different. 

Don’t Exhaust Yourself

Click Here to Register!

When you find yourself feeling disconnected or unappreciated in any kind of relationship (personal, professional, or intimate) give me a call.  More often than not EFT tapping can clear the little things that are adding up to those big emotions.  

Little things matter.  You matter.  Let me help.  Call me or join my upcoming EFT Tapping class now!  It’s only $17 + 48 hours before class starts–you will receive a link to get a second person in FOR FREE.  I’m here for you.

With love,

Dawn

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn

You Can’t Go Home Again… Or Can You?

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My Parents’ Home

I went to my parents’ house out in the country and took a hike into the back hills where I used to frolic as a child.  Memories came flooding back as I wandered through the open, snowy woods.  

My Neighbors

The clearing to my neighbor’s house

I remembered the neighbor, Ms. Mueller, who I had been told was a survivor from World War II and the Nazi camps. She lived up the hill behind our house on her own, windows covered with black garbage bags.  I was always told not to bother her, yet if I saw her outside of her house curiosity would win over and I’d talk to her. She was very kind, if not a little strange.  My dad would tell me that was part of her PTSD, but I didn’t really know what that meant.

For the Love of A Child

In elementary school one year we made paper May Day baskets, decorated them with crayon, and filled them with candy. I decided I wanted to give a basket to her; perhaps she was lonely and need some drawings for her refrigerator.  I hung it on her doorknob and knocked on her door and ran into the woods to watch, terrified and excited.  Would she be angry for being disturbed?  I didn’t even know which of her two doors she used.  I waited for a while, then ran up again and knocked on the other door even harder, confused at the lack of response. She never answered the door, and I left a bit disappointed, but hopeful she would find it later.  

Home Has Changed

The structure of the forest has changed. I searched for the tree where I used to hide out and read books in my dad’s deer stand. (Around the age of 8 I “ran away” and was determined I’d live there to show my mom how much I didn’t need her rules.) The sacred meadow where I used to sit on the rock and overlook the cow pasture is now full of bushes and trees and thorns. A temporary deer stand exists elsewhere, ladder propped against a young vital tree that can hold the weight.

Can You Go Home Again?

When I come here and go into the woods, I remember the simple innocence; the comfort of wanting to be away but knowing I had a place to return to where I was loved. I think about all those who don’t have that right now and feel trapped in houses with people who don’t love them.  

It’s more common individuals are with partners or family who DO love them–but are unable to feel it.  Just like when I was young and I didn’t realize how I was being loved by my parents—especially in the times of boundary struggles. 

Community Support

The water is off.  I know 20 years ago I could have walked to any neighbor’s house to refill the water jugs.  I’m sure I still could, but it feels different doing it now, since I don’t know the neighbors, than it did when I could bike to the neighboring farm to ask for a cup of sugar for my mom.  Why is that?  Has living in the city and owning my own house and seeing the separation of the world taken away my ability to knock on someone’s door?  Maybe I should tap on that.

Have Neighborly Ways Changed?

I’m not scared and I know I won’t get hurt.  It’s almost as if there’s an unwritten social rule.  I guess I could go knock and introduce myself. I don’t know why asking for water seems like a harder step.  If I were in a foreign country, I probably would, as if being a foreigner excuses my need. But I’m home, aren’t I? 

I’ve Changed More Than Home Has

As I followed the deer paths, the landscape no longer looked familiar to me.  I remember coming here when I was 24.  I think it’s the last time I was out here.  My cat had died unexpectedly in front of me the same day I broke up with a boyfriend. 

I had returned to bury my cat next to my childhood dog, and took to the woods to heal my broken heart. I sat on a fallen tree, laid down and promptly fell asleep.  The sun was in a different space when I awoke, and a deer was calmly grazing nearby.  She looked at me as I rolled my head to look at her more clearly, and we shared a moment together.  She kept eating, and slowly ambled away.  It connected me to what’s real.  

What’s My Point?

It was a reminder connection and love is eternal, no matter how painful it can be.  Peace can be found in gentle moments, no matter where home is or isn’t.  Even in the grief of a death, even when all feels lost, there is still the part of self that grew from that connection.  

That’s what I choose to take back with me to the city. Stillness. Hope. Knowledge that beauty is unfolding and will expose itself when this part of the journey is done.

What is Home for You?

If you are struggling with connection in your family relationships, whether in or out of your current home, I can help. EFT tapping is amazing at helping move through feelings of disconnection, anger, loneliness, betrayal, stress, and feelings of lack of intimacy. Reach out for a free health and healing strategy session and let’s figure out how to make you find that feeling that home is safe and calm for you.

With love,

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn

Soulmates, Synchronicities, and EFT Tapping

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Guilty Pleasures

I have a really guilty pleasure of pulling oracle cards and watching group tarot readers online. It’s similar to how some people like watching 90 Day Fiancé or Top Chef.  I don’t do it all the time, but I get curious about energies and I listen for synchronicities. After all—we see the world as we are. Whatever I hear is what I am meant to, and perhaps what I need to use Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or tapping) for.  One reader says, “Take what resonates and leave the rest, because it was meant for someone else.” 

Hearing the Message

I liken it to the friend (or parent) who gives you advice over and over and you don’t hear it until you are in a place where you can hear it; It gives me clues to where I am in my own world and own head and what ego-trips, limiting beliefs, or self-talk loops are in my way.  Sometimes I used to flip a coin if I couldn’t decide what I wanted to eat; the coin flip would either make the choice for me, or I’d realize I was disappointed in the outcome and know I actually wanted the other meal.  This is what my guilty pleasure helps me suss out.

Synchronicity

Just after Thanksgiving I was listening to an online reader who said, “You’ve been doing so much work, your soulmate is on the way.” I was really excited and intrigued at the idea. I had been doing the classwork for Learning To Find Love, a specialty relationship Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT or tapping) training. I’m open to the possibility there’s someone I’ll gel with out there, as much as I like being independent and alone.  

The idea also was exciting in an anxiety-producing way.  You know… the type of excitement where you want something but you are scared to have it?  A week later I found myself unable to sleep and thought I’d listen to another tarot reader for the first week in December.  

She pulled the Twin Flame card and said, “You have gone through challenges and upheaval but Cancers are in a new place.  Get ready for your Twin Flame.” 

Cue The Brain’s Resistance

Now I really started to get nervous.  What would that look like to actually have a long-term partner again? If I found one in the U.S would I get “trapped” here forever?  If he was from another country, would I end up moving and leaving my people behind, forever?  Would I lose my freedom, my individuality?  

My EFT Relationship Coaching instructors have said over and over, “The right person makes a relationship easy.” I can have everything I want and I won’t lose myself? My brain doesn’t quite process. Society and experience tell me that’s not true.

Tapping Through It

I did a bunch of EFT (also known as tapping) work with my fellow classmate around the fear of actually finding a life partner that would suit.  I put my EFT to the test, confident and egotistically sure I’d done the work and couldn’t be triggered.  Instead of turning on my music one morning, I decided to listen to a third tarot reader.  She also pulled the soulmate card.  Let me tell you–I’ve never seen this kind of consistency between readers before. 

Then I had to process the next aspect of fear.  What if I decide not to go to Costco and that’s where I was supposed to meet him?  Perhaps I missed him because I was in my head, ungrounded & not paying attention?  Suddenly, the fear of NOT finding him seemed to outweigh the idea that I would.  Then, I got to use EFT to clear that.  Now I’m just chilly cool.  If he shows up he does, if not, no big deal.  Perhaps my soulmate is around and it’s just not the right time yet. Who knows? I certainly don’t claim to.

Letting Go

I had to get rid of leftover BS from past relationships that were preventing me from finding someone or getting into a relationship again.  After all, maybe what I was actually meant to learn was that I needed to do work around my fears of having  a partner and my resistance to it so I can help others.  Perhaps I get to also let go of the idea it has to be ‘now.’ I know my clients would LOVE it if I found someone local and never moved away again. My traveling spirit doesn’t see that happening. Maybe I’ll tap on that next. 

My Question for You

If the genie in the bottle or the psychic or the angel came and told you your future, what would scare and excite you the most?  What emotions (or belief, judgement, resistance, observation, etc.) need to be cleared for your own healing process so you can accept the happiness you deserve? 

Maybe you already know what your biggest fear is.  Or maybe it’s hidden under a layer of self-talk, even the talk seems to be positive. Like “I’m amazing and independent and strong and I don’t need anybody.”  We can hide fear and resistance behind ‘positive’ ideas just as much as behind ‘negative.’

Let’s Chat!

Let’s explore this together!  Set up a Health & Healing Strategy Session to learn how EFT tapping can help you discover and move through your blind spots and stuck spaces. 

With love,

Dawn

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn

How Do You Project Negative Self-Talk on Others?

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Reflections of the Past

I listened to The Bob Davis Podcasts as I drove down to Red Wing Thursday.  He talked about his experience on the road as a nomad.  

It reminded me of the beauty and the wonder of what it was like to backpack through Europe; how I got to learn to slow down, be present, and shift my own expectations.  His discourse also brought back memories of  how my friends, family, colleagues, and acquaintances projected their ideas and fears onto me.

Whose Self-Talk is This, Anyway?

Dinner before one of the most dangerous nights I experienced

“Isn’t that dangerous?”  “How do you live with only a backpack full of stuff?” (To be fair, I had a backpack full of stuff AND a laptop…except when I ditched it to go hiking and camping.) “What are you going to do if you can’t find a place to stay?”  “Aren’t you lonely?”

Then, there were the straight-up judgments.  “Must be nice to be so rich you can afford to take nine months off.”  “Is this your mid-life crisis?”  “What on earth would you do that for?”  

This is Not My Voice Inside

Their projections gave me a clear view into their own negative self-talk and limiting beliefs.  

I got a lot of suggestions; however, most were irrelevant to the experience I was seeking and the way I love to travel.  

I’ve been talking in my networking group about negative self talk and how impactful it can be;  sometimes we don’t even realize we are doing it.  We often do not realize that what we dislike in others is something we dislike in ourselves.  For example, I get irritated when I feel like people are not following through on promises.  I am clear that when I don’t follow through on something I am overwhelmed with guilt and sometimes shame.  The reflection of what I dislike in myself gets projected onto the other as irritability.  I know what others perceived as laziness and leisure while I was in Europe was often hiding jealousy or their own internal judge telling them that one MUST do more, be busy, and stay “on track” with goals. 

Giving Grace & Space

Giving myself grace and space to write whenever I wanted allowed my book to come forward. When I tried to push to make the book happen, because negative self-talk decided I HAD to get it done before my mom visited, everything halted.  And the voices got louder.

This abandoned copper mine made me think of all the risks others have taken that are more extreme & risky than my own.

I returned to the US and jumped back into American life again (albeit more grounded and calmer.)  Massage Therapy offices were closed in the spring, and I started berating myself for not building my online practice while I was in Europe.  “I had all that downtime and did ‘nothing’ with it.”   I didn’t have the space to work with clients in a safe and private environment, but the voices told me, “You could have been educating people about Emotional Freedom Techniques.  You could have been sharing your personal healing using tapping.”  I had to step back.  The negative self-talk wasn’t mine.  It was the voice of everyone else— you need to do more, make more money, have more stuff, BE more in order to be important/ relevant. 

That’s not what I believe.  Who I am and what I choose in my life is enough.  If others want to judge me for that, that’s their own issue; thus, they get to look within instead of projecting their self-talk.  I am not going to take that on.  

My Question For You

Who gets the brunt of your projections?  How does it feel to you when you are upset at others’ decisions?  Where does your negative self-talk impede your own peace and happiness?

EFT Tapping Can Help Self-Talk

I could share a ton of stories with you about how it helps me.  But I want you to go within first. It doesn’t matter how tapping helps me.  The question is, how would you like it to help you?

I’m here for you.

With love,

Dawn

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn

A Deep Journey Into the Fog

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Bluff view. John A. Latsch State Park

598 stairs into the clouds. The journey into the fog can be disconcerting.

The mighty Mississippi is there. Beyond the silence, if you listen, you can hear the trains in the distance.

The jays are calling. Yet nature feels fairly still.

Going Within

It felt really important yesterday. Drawing analogies between my healing process and nature. The external fog I know will lift as I hike compared to the fog within that is hiding something that is not quite seen, but ready to be revealed.

Trusting and knowing expansion and vibrancy will emerge through this journey, even as I sense tranquility deep within.

I know my urge to hibernate and rest is in preparation for the next phase. Two more books. Teaching. Helping others in their relationships. Travel. Just like nature, going within for the winter creates the vitality for coming out of hibernation.

Powerful Shifts

Something big is coming. I’ve felt it before when I was in Europe. When I was preparing to come home. When I knew I was in the middle of a big shift within myself and nothing would be the same again. This time it feels more powerful. More clear.

When I first came home from Europe I had changed so much I didn’t recognize my reactions to others. This year, for me, has been about listening to myself in relation to others. I’m great at hearing others. I see and understand their deep pain, sorrow, and grief. I enjoy reflecting their beauty deep within that they are afraid of, hiding, or unaware of.

Healing is Often a Journey

Anyone who knows me well knows I am always looking at my deeper self. When I am overly-reactive, I look at why. When I am sad, I allow myself to feel it, but if I cannot move through it, I look at the source of the sadness. If I don’t move through emotions, I do my work to get myself unstuck.

This year has been different.

It’s not just 2020

It is the planets! It has been a year of evaluating relationships of all sorts–past, present, and future. I changed so much that I got to see my “old” vs. “new” self reflected back. And now, amidst this, I am taking advanced EFT tapping training to help others do the same. I taking training on how to help others find their soulmate. Classes on how to help others find intimacy and connection in their relationships again.

Healer, Heal Thyself

Of course, do do any of that well, I have to understand myself first. This phrase is the key to my practice and to my own life journey. I had to look at how I was protecting myself from connecting with others. How I was hiding from love behind the idea that love and independence could not co-exist. That I have to be stronger than any partner so I don’t lose myself… so I didn’t end up being a possession.

Words of Wisdom

I was gently reminded love could exist without possession. The universe continues to send me messages from unexpected places to remind me I want (and deserve) more. I can also allow, instead of force.

“Just like Chinese medicine, relationships are a balance of yin and yang. You will both have both, but sometimes you need to allow your yang to soften, to allow the flow between two.”

My Question(s) for You

How do you hide yourself from feeling or expressing love? Where have you learned to protect your heart and how does that serve you now? Are you ready to be open?

More to Come

I have three more of these blogs in the queue. Perhaps I’m over-thinking life right now. But I don’t think so. I am sure my friends are sick of hearing of my self-analysis. But that’s okay. I know they love me anyway. For my strengths, my weaknesses, my quirkiness, my playfulness, and my ability to be vulnerable… and probably other reasons as well. And that is truly all that matters.

You are love, you are loving, and you are loveable.

Be yourself and be loved,

Dawn

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn

Emotions, Family, and Relationship to Self

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Emotional Funk

When’s the last time you were in an emotional funk?  Looking at past situations that still make us emotional–angry, sad, frustrated, scared, etc–can be liberating. Avoiding healing can put us into a temporary funk until we choose to get rid of the old and embrace the new.

Always more self to explore

No matter how much work I do on myself and clearing old patterns, beliefs, and messages, it seems there is always a way to explore more deeply.  It’s really rewarding!

Take for example, family relationships.  I come from an amazing supportive family, but I still created beliefs of I’m not good enough and I have to work hard to be loved when I was a child. Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a EFT or tapping), homeopathy, and the Hoffman Process have all been instrumental in changing that.

Family challenges

Some people aren’t as lucky. I have many women come for EFT tapping with a history of abuse, physical or emotional abandonment, and/or neglect. These powerful, strong women learn to move through their past and embrace their power, strength, and joy. Whereas holidays used to be torturous, they are now peaceful.

For some, death has separated family and created unexpected loneliness and grief. Others avoid family at all costs. Many choose their own family.

Family patterns influence relationships

We develop most of our beliefs before the age of five or six (or seven or eight, depending on what aspect of the brain we are discussing.) Our subconscious minds are programmed through identifying positive and negative things and then creating associations and emotions for each. For example, we absorb and mimic our parents and caretakers. Second, we have our own experience of how we are treated and cared for. We observe the world with different brain waves and an inability to use logic. What we are immersed in and exposed to informs what and who we become.

Our beliefs sneak in unwittingly

You have to work hard to be successful. I’m not good enough. Money doesn’t grow on trees. That’s stupid=I’m stupid. You are too old to act like that. Children should be seen and not heard. Others are more important than me. I am always wrong. People only want me for sex. Men should act like x. Women should act like y. Boys don’t cry. Women are weak. Poor people are/rich people are z. I need to act like or be __ to be loved.

These beliefs are insidious and sneaky. They define how you interact with relationships, money, society, food and alcohol, and yourself.

It can seem overwhelming

I’ve been doing healing work with myself and practitioners for 20 years. I’ve learned where my triggers are, why they are happening, and how to communicate clearly. Empathy has become easier. When others are hiding or reacting out of fear I can usually feel that. People have different views because of these beliefs. Individuals are often suffering inside, trying to find joy and happiness when these beliefs are telling them that they don’t GET to be happy.

Happiness and joy

My process of becoming joyful was not always fun. Finding joy does not mean I become perfectly neutral and never experience anger.  That is an interesting concept some people, especially those wanting to travel a path towards enlightenment, seem to think is ideal.  There is a wheel of emotions, and health to me means being able to access any of them.

Emotional health

In my opinion, the marker of emotional health is the ability to see a situation for what it is and how it makes you feel so you can respond to it and move through it. Denying emotion or pretending you are a positive person thus cannot (or should not) feel anger can be extremely damaging.

For example, I have a friend who used to say he never got angry.  What he has realized over time is that he suppresses anger because he learned that anger=violence.  So for self-preservation, he made a conscious choice to never feel anger.  

Instead, those emotions were stored in his body. Those emotions created physical symptoms.  

Now–was that function beneficial and helpful to him over parts of his life? Absolutely.  Was it his best expression of health possible at the time?  For sure.  Can he (and you) learn to regulate emotions without suppressing them?  Of course.  Emotional Freedom Techniques is one of many ways you can learn to do that. (Here’s a 13 or 30-minute video if you want to see the science.)

Become your best self

What does that mean? My best self is aware, awake, and happy. It means I make choices from clarity and confidence instead of reactivity and fear. Talk to me if you want to hear more. Or, join one of my classes on Eventbrite.

Free Tapping Class for Loneliness

I am holding a free 4-week class on tapping for loneliness. You will learn to tap for yourself, AND how to apply these principles for all stresses in your life. Plus, the class is recorded so you can watch it anytime + go back to them. Contact me via Direct message, email, or text, and I will let you know when the final dates are scheduled..

With love and gratitude,

Dawn

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn

What Makes a Good Relationship?

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Do Relationships need to be Difficult?

I knew I would delve deep into each relationship challenge in my past as soon as I started writing a book on touch and relationships. In the Hoffman Process I learned how to evaluate and transform patterns (beliefs, habits, etc.) learned from my parents.

I got to examine what my subconscious beliefs were and to decide what I wanted out of my life. It helped me understand where my sensitivities and triggers were and why. Hoffman allowed me to make healthier choices for myself and regain my strength.

It changed how I approached relationships. It improved my self-awareness so I could communicate at an even higher level than I used to. I stopped self-sabotaging as well (usually.) Relationships became easier and stronger.

Is there a Soulmate out there?

I’m taking a course called Learning 2 Find Love for my next certification in Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a. EFT or tapping.) As many of you know, I love looking at myself, my beliefs, and my patterns in deep and new ways.

I thought this class would be a breeze

After all–I’ve already done tons of work on what I want in a partner. I know the non-negotiables, how I want to feel, and how I demand to be treated. I learned how to communicate clearly (and also that I cannot be with someone who cannot communicate.)

Week three and I’ve had some big AHA moments.

After identifying traits we knew we wanted in a partner (via looking at what did and didn’t work in past relationships), we put them into a grid to determine what traits were most important. Alina, the instructor, described it like choosing different ice cream flavors. For example, do I like chocolate ice cream or cherry ice cream better? Some days one may sound better than another, but both are delicious.

It turns out I value playfulness more than communication.

In fact– being playful, being high-energy, and possessing self-awareness were all more important. That doesn’t mean that I’ve thrown high-level communication out the window (it was, after all, #4 of my top 5). I haven’t LOOKED for playfulness as a quality in a partner, and it was often missing in my past relationships. Instead, I played the role of caretaker or mother.

  • Wooden spoon on nose

I have lots of playful, child-like qualities myself

At forty+, I still build snowmen and have conversations with them. Climbing a tree or spinning on a tire swing makes me laugh . In The Touch Crisis I discuss being curious and child-like in exploration around physical contact. Finding play in your own connection to others is important. So why have I dated so many people that only want me to be an adult and show my serious side? Because I had this HUGE blind spot.

Where is your relationship blind spot?

There is another Learning 2 Find Love course being held in February if YOU are interested in doing some of this work in a group. You can set up a time to talk with me if you are interested in learning more. Perhaps you are interested in starting this process for yourself now. I need case studies for certification, so will also be offering a discount if you participate.

Is my soulmate on the way?

According to all the tarot readings I’m seeing online, YES! LOL. Seriously though, whether he is or not, the extra clarity I have found is worth it’s weight in gold. I already knew I would not waste more of my valuable time in a relationship that didn’t suit me. My vision is more clear now.

You deserve a joyful relationship.

With gratitude,

Dawn

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn

Healing The Touch Crisis… in Relationships

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I started writing a post here about a month ago about my current thoughts on The Touch Crisis in our culture.  It turned into three pages of stuff that I realized belonged in my relationship book. 

My Next Books

Yes, you read that right.  I’ve been waking up in the morning with inspirations and ideas about my next books on touch–one for relationships and one regarding physical contact and children.  Also, to be thorough, I’ve been interviewing various psychologists, therapists, and families.  These conversations have lead me to recall and evaluate my own experiences in personal relationships. I have been exploring what I learned around healthy contact as a child. It’s healing work I have done before, but I always find another insight or memory to explore.

Finding a Soulmate

I just love people

There are a few partnerships/ marriages I have always admired. Somehow I thought I was too independent for that. Too free-spirited. Now I am immersed in two advanced Emotional Freedom Techniques certification programs. The first program is called Learning to Find Love. It is about healing old relationship patterns, beliefs, and aligning your energies to attract your soulmate. A big part of the class is realizing what you DON’T want and will not accept so you don’t waste time on relationships that don’t suit. I’ve done a lot of this work before. I could be snarky and say “it’s probably why I stay single.” But honestly, I just don’t think I was ready. Plus, there is an unresolved belief that says I cannot be free + be strong + be myself + travel if I’m in a relationship. That’s what I observe… except in those partnerships I admire that I mentioned above. Hmmm.

Intimacy and Sexuality

The second certification is called Path To Passion, in which I will help people find passion and intimacy in their lives again through emotional healing. I hear stories consistently from my female clients about how they have lost their drive. “I love my significant other, but just don’t feel like being intimate.” Libido comes from the brain, and can often be improved through emotional healing if you desire more sexual connection. Studies show Emotional Freedom Techniques (a.k.a. EFT or tapping) can drastically improve libido. But also remember, physical intimacy does not have to be sexual.

The Touch Communication Crisis

I’ve been speaking at book clubs and women’s groups. I’ve had conversations in networking organizations and with support groups. I hear women say things like, “My significant other only touches me when he wants sex.” Then I talk to men who say, “I wish I could just touch my significant other without always having to perform.” Where is the communication breakdown? Is platonic touch lacking for men, or is it taboo even in their own relationships? Do each of us make assumptions about what another person’s touch is communicating–whether male or female?

Letting Children Choose

I’ve also been big on letting my nephews choose when and if they hug me, give me a high-five, or ignore me after a day together. If they can’t say ‘no’ to a hug from me, then what boundaries do they truly have? What am I teaching them about ‘no’ in the future-for themselves and others?

  • What did you learn about healthy physical contact as a child?
  • Were you given permission to hug…or not?

I have not run out of words.

I have a ton to say on the subject of healthy touch. There is even more to share about how we can heal and really learn to connect. Even if you choose not to touch anyone at all–even a handshake–because of the current situation.

Are you ready to heal your relationship stressors?

I will need case studies for my certification programs. Please, click to schedule a Health & Healing Strategy Session with me if this interests you.

With Love,

Dawn

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn

Running Out of Steam

Touch Remedies Posted on by

We lose a lot when we stop talking to each other and checking in with what we want or need. Perhaps today is a good day to intentionally create stronger communication with a loved one. 

Excerpt from The Touch Crisis: 

The Touch Crisis Cover
The Touch Crisis Cover

“How about we go practice some martial arts in the park today?” My friend James asked, as he watched me shove a load of massage sheets into the wash machine at my house. “You mentioned you wanted to refresh your skills before heading overseas.”

I closed the machine and threw a scoop of soap into the drawer. “Nah, I’ve already done about fifteen hours of massage in the last few days. I should probably let my hands rest.”

Besides, I’m restless and would rather run than hang around and practice right now. I’d probably get annoyed and irritated and no one needs that. I really don’t want to do anything for anyone else right now, including him.

“You sure? I’ve been playing with releases and tweaking the techniques to be easy on you and play to the strength you have in your kicks,” he encouraged. “Plus, when we get back I can cook some dinner for us while you finish your laundry and client work.”

“How about we go for a run? I should get some cardio in,” I replied, moving past him to get to the kitchen and empty my lunchbox. And I just think I’m too brain-dead to learn anything anyway. “There’s plenty of time to practice before I leave.” Maybe his knee is hurting him again. I should probably make sure he’s okay before I force him to run. “How is your body feeling today anyway? Are you in any pain?”

“Nah,” he said, playfully puffing up, “I’m tough. I can handle any kind of run you throw my way.”

…As our friendship grew, he was respectful with his physical contact. We had great communication around touch boundaries which gave us opportunities to be causal about it, touching each other for emphasis when we talked, plus tons of hugs and snuggles when we were watching movies. I could tell when he was in a lot of pain, which he often was, being an ex-racer and having had many crashes on cycles. If I started giving him little massages, he would tell me not to get into a healing role with him. He said that he was open to getting some massage here and there, but that he didn’t want to become a project or for me to get into work mode. It was hard for me to find the line between offering healing touch and not stepping into healer mode. Sometimes, he would stop me and tell me not to give massage unless he could reciprocate; so, I taught him some massage techniques so he could work on my arms, shoulders, and neck. The intention was to create some reciprocity and balance.

I’m not even sure what or when it happened, but somewhere along the line I did shift into the healer/caretaker mode because it was so natural to me. And as our friendship changed, our level of communication did not keep up with what was needed in order to allow the whole relationship to shift with our changing needs, wants, and experiences. Eventually, we both stopped paying attention to how we were feeling about touch. I didn’t realize until much later that I had started feeling like I was over-giving. My brain would justify it with “I’m the one who asked if I could try that technique,” or “I am the one who started working on his arm because I was bored with the movie; so since I had initiated it, it felt unfair to be upset and demand something different.” Right? Nope. Not at all.

Suddenly, subtle layers of inequality had settled into my body and into my deeper consciousness. Because I didn’t make a choice to tune into myself and see what was really truly going on, I started allowing other aspects of our friendship to exacerbate the feeling of inequality. Suddenly, his being twenty minutes late, even when communicated, became an issue and another bit of evidence that he didn’t value the friendship. Stuck in my own story of over-giving, I had no idea that he was feeling the same…

The communication balance had broken because our intentions were not clearly expressed.  The safety of the culture and communication that we had so carefully built between the two of us was dissolving. The nurturing warm feeling it had offered both of us was replaced with confusion, desperation, and neediness.

Click here to purchase The Touch Crisis on Amazon. Or– request it from your local bookstore.

Note: I am trying to get 100 YouTube subscribers so I can name my own channel! Will you please help by clicking HERE and subscribing? Thank you so much. 😀

With love,

Dawn

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn

Pushing my body, expanding my mind….Thoughts that come up on a 96 mile hike

Touch Remedies Posted on by
In my last blog, I shared about some of the people that inspired me that I met on my hike. The majority of the rest of the hike was spent in contemplative thought about my own life and how to achieve my purpose and passion. If my mind started looping, I would talk out loud to myself in order to stay on track. Except of course for the 3 miles that the itsy-bitsy spider was stuck in my head.
I sang it over and over again to the rhythm I was walking. It would not go away. Maybe my body wanted me to do the hand motions that went with it, but I was trying walking sticks with this hike to see if I liked them. (I do when my pack is too heavy and I’m going up steep stairs or up steep hills, but on flat or easy spots they’re just kind of annoying for me.) Then I started thinking about how I wish I knew it in Swedish so at least I could practice my Swedish. See….the ego is so good at keeping us safe instead of exploring deeper meaning and purpose!
What I really want to share with you today is about limiting beliefs. As I pondered how I can help people on both an individual and community level while make a bigger positive impact in the world,  my ego, limiting beliefs, and societal imprints all kept trying to get in my way. I decided these are variations of the same theme. Little things that the mind tells us to justify/explain/prove WHY things are or are not happening. Why relationships aren’t working, why finances are tough, why “x” cannot happen or why “y” keeps happening.
“We learn our belief systems as very little children, and then we move through life creating experiences to match our beliefs. Look back in your own life and notice how often you have gone through the same experience.”
-Louise L. Hay
When I was taking my EFT (emotional freedom techniques/tapping) courses, one of the techniques we learned was how to tap on affirmations in order to uncover the mind chatter/subconscious belief/limiting belief that prevent us from embodying the affirmation. It’s a really fun exercise, and if you are doing affirmations and it doesn’t seem to be helping, let’s do a session together and I can teach you the technique!
Back to my point though. I re-uncovered a limiting belief that I have to work hard to make money. In other words, if I’m not physically pushing myself, it has no value. How interesting that when I had my practices in United States, I attracted all of my lovely clients that love deep tissue work. As soon as I moved to Sweden, I averaged two calls a week for people looking for lighter touch therapies such as craniosacral. My goal was always to have about a 50-50 practice of deep and light, yet somehow I thought it wasn’t possible. In fact, the belief was so strong, I found myself doing deep work sometimes on people that didn’t even want deep work.
I share this because I’m encouraging you to find where in yourself is there a limiting belief that is preventing you from achieving your goal, fulfilling your passion, finding happiness, or healing from the past.  When I worked with my EFT practitioner last week, She helped me uncover a memory from fifth grade, when a friend told me that I had to make a choice between her and other friends in order to be accepted. That had turned into a limiting belief that was impacting how I showed up in the world for others, and how I was holding my own boundaries.
If you want help uncovering your beliefs, I encourage you to go for a multi-day hike or walk by yourself. If that’s not possible, let’s set up an appointment. I would love to help in anyway I can. You can always set up an appointment from the homepage of my website. Enjoy this next series of pictures.
Sending so much Love, Dawn