Tag Archives: Touch

Running Out of Steam

Touch Remedies Posted on by

We lose a lot when we stop talking to each other and checking in with what we want or need. Perhaps today is a good day to intentionally create stronger communication with a loved one. 

Excerpt from The Touch Crisis: 

The Touch Crisis Cover
The Touch Crisis Cover

“How about we go practice some martial arts in the park today?” My friend James asked, as he watched me shove a load of massage sheets into the wash machine at my house. “You mentioned you wanted to refresh your skills before heading overseas.”

I closed the machine and threw a scoop of soap into the drawer. “Nah, I’ve already done about fifteen hours of massage in the last few days. I should probably let my hands rest.”

Besides, I’m restless and would rather run than hang around and practice right now. I’d probably get annoyed and irritated and no one needs that. I really don’t want to do anything for anyone else right now, including him.

“You sure? I’ve been playing with releases and tweaking the techniques to be easy on you and play to the strength you have in your kicks,” he encouraged. “Plus, when we get back I can cook some dinner for us while you finish your laundry and client work.”

“How about we go for a run? I should get some cardio in,” I replied, moving past him to get to the kitchen and empty my lunchbox. And I just think I’m too brain-dead to learn anything anyway. “There’s plenty of time to practice before I leave.” Maybe his knee is hurting him again. I should probably make sure he’s okay before I force him to run. “How is your body feeling today anyway? Are you in any pain?”

“Nah,” he said, playfully puffing up, “I’m tough. I can handle any kind of run you throw my way.”

…As our friendship grew, he was respectful with his physical contact. We had great communication around touch boundaries which gave us opportunities to be causal about it, touching each other for emphasis when we talked, plus tons of hugs and snuggles when we were watching movies. I could tell when he was in a lot of pain, which he often was, being an ex-racer and having had many crashes on cycles. If I started giving him little massages, he would tell me not to get into a healing role with him. He said that he was open to getting some massage here and there, but that he didn’t want to become a project or for me to get into work mode. It was hard for me to find the line between offering healing touch and not stepping into healer mode. Sometimes, he would stop me and tell me not to give massage unless he could reciprocate; so, I taught him some massage techniques so he could work on my arms, shoulders, and neck. The intention was to create some reciprocity and balance.

I’m not even sure what or when it happened, but somewhere along the line I did shift into the healer/caretaker mode because it was so natural to me. And as our friendship changed, our level of communication did not keep up with what was needed in order to allow the whole relationship to shift with our changing needs, wants, and experiences. Eventually, we both stopped paying attention to how we were feeling about touch. I didn’t realize until much later that I had started feeling like I was over-giving. My brain would justify it with “I’m the one who asked if I could try that technique,” or “I am the one who started working on his arm because I was bored with the movie; so since I had initiated it, it felt unfair to be upset and demand something different.” Right? Nope. Not at all.

Suddenly, subtle layers of inequality had settled into my body and into my deeper consciousness. Because I didn’t make a choice to tune into myself and see what was really truly going on, I started allowing other aspects of our friendship to exacerbate the feeling of inequality. Suddenly, his being twenty minutes late, even when communicated, became an issue and another bit of evidence that he didn’t value the friendship. Stuck in my own story of over-giving, I had no idea that he was feeling the same…

The communication balance had broken because our intentions were not clearly expressed.  The safety of the culture and communication that we had so carefully built between the two of us was dissolving. The nurturing warm feeling it had offered both of us was replaced with confusion, desperation, and neediness.

Click here to purchase The Touch Crisis on Amazon. Or– request it from your local bookstore.

Note: I am trying to get 100 YouTube subscribers so I can name my own channel! Will you please help by clicking HERE and subscribing? Thank you so much. 😀

With love,

Dawn

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn

Unknown Territory

Touch Remedies Posted on by

Excerpt from The Touch Crisis: 

The Touch Crisis Cover
The Touch Crisis Cover

“Do you want some water or anything?” Sofia asked, touching my arm as we entered the kitchen from the basement.

Oh my gosh, please don’t touch me. 

I was startled by my own internal reaction at such a small, innocuous, and normal gesture. 

What is going on with me?

As soon as I asked the question, I got my answer. I had gone from barely any touch to loads of it in less than twenty-four hours. My internal need for touch had completely reset itself, and I was full-up.

I didn’t actually think it was possible for me to get too much touch, I mused, struck and semi-amused by the conflict of being so grateful and wanting to hug Sofia and Lance for all their hospitality while at the same time wanting to shut myself in a room and hide. 

As I gulped down some water, I applauded myself inwardly for making this connection. With this awareness, I knew that I could make a clear choice on how to interact with my friends for the rest of the day. 

Yes, this is a far cry from a few years ago when I was struggling with how to negotiate physical contact with people I love, including my clients. I’m so glad my awareness has increased.”

Click here to purchase The Touch Crisis on Amazon. Or– request it from your local bookstore.

With love,

Dawn

Touch Remedies, Dawn Bennett

Dropped into The Wild

Touch Remedies Posted on by
Why I decided to begin to explore healthy touch in business after a setback around hugs.

Excerpt from The Touch Crisis:

“Hi there! Nice to see you!” I exclaimed cheerfully, as I walked toward a fellow businesswoman on my way back to my wellness center. It was a sunny winter day in Minnesota and we were both in our warm jackets and hats, the fog from our breath drifting lazily upward.

“Dawn, I would like to talk with you.” Her normally bright voice sounded a bit serious, and I paused to give her the proper space to voice whatever was on her mind.

I nodded affirmatively, as I sipped coffee from the warm cup I’d just picked up from the café down the street. I wonder what’s wrong.

“Well, I was at the award ceremony a few weeks ago,” she started.

Immediately, I felt my whole body warm at the memory and a large smile overtook my face. The business I’d grown from scratch had been given the “Service Business of the Year” award by the Chamber of Commerce.

“I thought you behaved unprofessionally, hugging everyone at that event.” Her voice was matter-of-fact and empty of any emotion.

What? I felt my heart drop as confusion overwhelmed me and my face flushed with heat.

“The way you hugged people was completely inappropriate,” she scolded.

My mind quickly retrieved the vivid memory of that evening in the decorated casino ballroom, recalling how elated I was—how surprised and honored that enough people felt connected to and nurtured by my staff and myself that they voted for us. I had bounced around the full tables of professionals on my way to the stage to accept the award and thank everyone, thinking Grammy winners couldn’t have been more excited.

After my gushing yet short speech, I’d floated off the stage in a cloud of pride and love, making eye contact with those I knew and giving hugs to at least fifteen of my friends on the way back to my seat, consciously restraining myself to not hug everyone I knew. When I’d settled back in at my table, I’d given hugs to my two staff members seated next to me.

She interrupted my thoughts again, “I’m just trying to help you understand that is no way to act in a business setting.”

What is she talking about? Is it really offensive to hug people I know in a moment like that? Is she right? Did I offend people? Should I not be hugging people in these settings—ever? I felt my body start retreating into numbness as the impact of her words set in.

Click here to purchase The Touch Crisis on Amazon. Or– request it from your local bookstore.

Go Here to Read a bit of the next chapter.

I’ll give you hugs if you wish! Just ask next time you see me.

With love,

Dawn

Touch? Physical Contact? It’s About Connection.

Touch Remedies Posted on by

The Touch Crisis

I am finally writing my book about “Touch!” The word “touch” suddenly seems to have negative connotations, so I am using the phrase “Physical Connection.”

This book has been in process for a few years. When I was giving presentations around Minnesota and California to women’s groups on how ‘Healthy Touch Connects Communities,’ women became inspired to connect more strongly with others around them, and communicate more around touch-with people they wanted connect with as well as those they observed were not connected.

They also thought about different ways to speak to their children about touch. Many people told me I should write a book, and I thought about it…for over two years.

The Time is Now For Connecting

The time is here. But as I talk to people about how they connect, the common theme is always around communication. That’s a big subject! I remember hiking in Sweden, and I got lost in a small town while I was trying to take a back way to the grocery store from an art park.


I walked for about 30 minutes before seeing ANYONE, so when I saw a woman walking towards me on the street, I was extremely excited. I asked her if she could point me to the store (in my really poor Swedish) and she indicated that she was deaf and couldn’t hear me.

Who Isn’t Hearing?

What happened next still bothers me. Instead of pausing for a minute, and trying to communicate using the few signs I do know and spelling the rest, I shrugged my shoulders, made a gesture as if I was SO disappointed she didn’t understand me, and went on my way.

SERIOUSLY? I just ran into a beautiful person who cannot hear, and instead of taking the time to try to communicate and say hello and step into her world, I shrugged her off because it was such an inconvenience for me to not be able to talk to her while lost in a foreign land? I can make all the excuses in the world about why I didn’t try to sign (first being that I was thinking so hard about how to talk in Swedish, I forgot that I knew some basic sign language), but the reality is I didn’t stop and pause and think about the best way to connect and communicate.

Another time I froze in communication where it could have made an impact was when I arrived in the Lake District in England. I was walking to my hostel with my laptop and my rucksack after an exhausting day of travel, and saw four teenagers ahead on the sidewalk throwing around drink bottles and chasing each other. Not wanting to get caught up in the splatter, I moved toward the road and tried to sneak past them. One of the girls stopped me and asked for help. She said the two boys were bullying her, and wouldn’t give her and her female friend their drinks back. I gave the boys A LOOK and they returned the bottles.

She then shared with me that her friend was ignoring her so she could chat with the boys, and allowed the bullying to happen. In retrospect, perhaps I should have given them all a bit of a lecture about treating each other with respect, especially the girl who was ignoring her friend. But I didn’t know what to say at the moment, as I was caught up in the tragedy of the teen years and how people treat each other. I wonder to this day why I didn’t, in that moment, tell her she deserved to be treated like that, tell her friend not to treat her that way either if she was a true friend, and to tell the boys to treat the girls with respect, especially when they say “STOP.”

Both are lessons, and remind me that no matter how well we think we communicate, there is always room to grow. I would love to hear your stories about communication and physical connection, and how you use these to strengthen your connection within your own communities-both large and small. If you are open to being interviewed for the book, please contact me HERE.

Upcoming Class

Moms of Pre-Teen or Teen Girls- Join me and my friend Alissa for a fun, powerful, interactive, experiential workshop. Explore how to:

  • Create a stronger bond and connection through a deep respect of one another.
  • Clearly communicate while focusing on what’s great already.
  • Learn how to set boundaries that feel good and give voice to both of you.
  • Learn tools that empower your relationship and keep you connected now and for years to come.
  • Our event partner, Athleta, will be giving away a raffle prize package
    • an hour in the Athleta store with their stylist
    • a $50 ShopCard!
    • a Starbucks beverage of your choice while you are with the stylist!


Follow THIS LINK for more information and tickets.

I look forward to hearing from all of you.

  • Dawn with Hands on heart
    Dawn